The Conclusion to the Loveable Podcast [Loveable 054]

“We’ve been taught to believe life is only meaningful if we’re getting from here to there—doing a lot, becoming more important, accruing more stuff, feeling safer, and increasing our comfort. Even the good work of redeeming the world can become its own straight line, as we single-handedly try to move the world from Point A to Point B. We pretend life is what it’s not. We need to get real about how this whole thing works. We need to bend our lives back into the circle they already are.”

loveable podcast episode 54

Here we are at the end of The Year of Listening, Loving, and Living. In this final episode, we do more than just sum up the content of this podcast so far; we add one final, invaluable insight to your journey of growth and transformation. And here it is: seeing life as a straight-line is a disease that will keep you ashamed and sick, and experiencing life and growth as a circle is essential to transformation and healing…

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Week 52: Reflecting Upon the Unfolding of Your Truest Self [Loveable 053]

“Your true self folded in upon itself never ceases to be your truest you. Your soul is bigger and more beautiful and more mysterious than you can possible imagine. It has been folded in upon itself by people and by experience and by life. But it need not remain that way.”

One of the most common questions I receive as a therapist is, how will I know if I’m getting better? This is an important question to answer because the answer gives us direction, it gives us hope, and eventually it gives us something to celebrate. That’s the question we answer in Episode 53 of The Loveable Podcast…

loveable podcast episode 53

Here are just a few of the takeaways from this week’s episode:

  • Healing and wholing are the same thing.
  • The greatest problem in our hearts is not disease; it is disunity.
  • Your true self is a like a piece of paper folded in on itself by life and by shame; the good news is, it can be unfolded.
  • Grace does not delight in us despite who we are, but because of who we are.
  • A sign that your true self is healing and expanding is that your pain becomes a part of what makes you unique, not a part of what makes you bad.
  • A purpose-driven life is one rooted in the ego and fueled by ambition; a purpose-centered life is one rooted in the soul and fueled by passion.
  • You probably don’t belong to people who want you to be smaller than you actually are.
  • You’re not here to be great; you’re here to be yourself.
  • Experiencing everyone else as worthy is the surest sign that you’ve truly embraced your own worthiness.

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Week 51: How All This Passion, Pain, and Courage Add Up to Joy [Loveable 052]

“Fear about the future becomes bravery in the present becomes joy in hindsight. Joy is knowing you can be scared and still ride through life. Joy is being terrified and trusting you’ll survive it. Joy is believing in yourself enough to believe you are brave.”

Joy and happiness are not the same thing. In fact, they may be opposites, and the difference between them could make all the difference in your life. In Episode 52 of The Loveable Podcast, we focus on how practicing your passions may not add up to happiness but will almost certainly add up to joy. Because happiness is about things going your way, whereas joy is about trusting you can handle life, no matter how things go…

loveable podcast episode 52

Here are just a few of the takeaways from this week’s episode:

  • Both positive and negative feedback can disrupt the practicing of our passions, because they inflate or wound our ego, rooting us there, rather than in our souls, where all authenticity and creativity originate.
  • Perfectionism is a highly evolved defense against criticism.
  • We fear vulnerability will mean we get wounded; usually, it means we get joyful,
  • Bravery is going one step farther than you think you can.
  • Courage isn’t going forward without trepidation; courage is going forward with determination, even when we are terrified.
  • You don’t need to become brave, you need to realize you have already been brave.
  • Vulnerability and bravery are practiced every day in ordinary life.
  • To encourage our kids to be brave, don’t teach them about bravery, help them remember times they’ve already been brave.
  • Sometimes fear is a boundary we need to push through; other times fear is telling us we need to set a boundary in our life.
  • We stay afraid instead of brave because we never attend to what happened to the things we feared, we just move on to fearing the next thing. Pay attention. You’re brave.

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Week 50: The Courage to Fail [Loveable 051]

“Courage is ignoring the jeers and feeling the fears. Courage is returning to the edge of our comfort zone and choosing the place where our fear dwells, because we are worthy of another chance at life. Regardless of what the critics say.”

People who experience success aren’t better at being successful; they are better at failing. They don’t misinterpret failures as a sign that they should be doing something else. They don’t listen to the people who tell them their failures define them. They get back up and try again, believing their passion is truer than their setbacks. In other words, success doesn’t always feel great; more often than not, it feels like failure that didn’t stop us.

In Episode 51 of The Loveable Podcast, we will turn your definitions of success and courage upside down, and cultivate the courage to fail by listening to the right people.

loveable podcast episode 51

Here are just a few of the takeaways from this week’s episode:

  • A job is not a passion. A job is a place to practice your passion, or a place you are leaving for a new place where you can practice your passion more consistently.
  • Everyone is making it up as they go. Don’t worry about needing to know the outcome before you get started. The outcome unfolds as you act bravely.
  • The mindset necessary for beginning to practice our passions: “Learn to be a rookie and love it.”
  • Fear makes you quiet; defy it by telling someone you trust about it.
  • Stubborn is another word for courageous.
  • You don’t have to be over your fear to practice your passion; you have to be sick of it.
  • Whenever we pursue a passion that is an authentic expression of our true self, we will also experience misfortune, disappointment, and pain. Hardship is not necessarily a sign you should stop.
  • We are defined not by the criticism we receive but by the courage we live.
  • Failures don’t have to be conclusions; they can be course corrections.
  • Impostor syndrome would evaporate if we could all admit we’re learning and making mistakes as we go.
  • Practice say nothing at all. Defending oneself and justifying oneself are just distractions from the work of pursuing our passions.

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Week 49: What to Do When Our Feelings Are Lying to Us [Loveable 050]

“Life is a gift in terrifying disguise, and we are here to open it, until we find the still-quiet place in the center of it, where fear no longer decides.”

In Episode 50 of The Loveable Podcast, we talk about fear. It is an important emotion. It causes us to buckle our seatbelts, run out of burning buildings, and grab our pepper spray when we hear footsteps behind us in a dark parking lot. But in the modern world, our fear has gone rogue. We now get afraid not just about life-threatening situations, but also about life-changing situations. We are afraid not just of dangers, but of opportunities. It’s time to quit letting fear make our decisions for us…

loveable podcast episode 50

Here are just a few of the takeaways from this week’s episode:

  • Practicing our passion is not a leap, it’s a step-by-step process, with each step preparing us for the next one.
  • To add just a little beauty to the world is reason enough to practice your passion.
  • Our passion only requires an audience of one, and sometimes, for a little while, that audience might even be ourselves.
  • If you pay attention to the world instead of the news, you discover that reality is more inspiring than it is terrifying.
  • Our fear may not go away, but it should be a passenger in our lives, not the driver.
  • Welcome your fear, listen to it, become familiar with it, then discern whether or not you will continue to listen to it.
  • If you practice your passion in order to be successful, you will accidentally feed your shame.
  • Sometimes fear isn’t telling you to avoid something; it’s telling you that doing it is going to feel vulnerable, but you should do it anyway.
  • The voice of your self-encouragement tries to convince you there is no reason to be afraid; the voice of grace tells you that there are good reasons to be afraid but you will be able to handle it.
  • Sometimes, fear is telling a half-truth. Be slow. Discern. Listen to the true half. Then quit listening.
  • Sometimes you will let fear decide. That’s okay. Learn from it. Choose differently next time.
  • If you have strong faith you might have more fear, because you will live boldly and bravely in ways that challenge you anew.

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Week 48: The Good Life vs. the Redemptive Life [Loveable 049]

The so-called good life is a hollow promise. It’s empty of the things we desire most, like passion, purpose, and peace. It bores us. Makes us restless. We crave something else. We ultimately crave a redemptive life.

In Episode 49 of The Loveable Podcast, we shift our focus slightly to something that will clarify not what our passion is, but the direction we want to go with it. That something is our pain. This week’s episode revolves around a hard but simple formula: passion + pain = purpose. In other words, when we practice our passion in the service of redeeming our pain, a sense of purpose is almost guaranteed…

loveable podcast episode 49

Here are just a few of the takeaways from this week’s episode:

  • People don’t hold us back from following our passions; we allow them to hold us back. Instead, we need to set a boundary on their influence upon us.
  • Getting healthy usually means developing a healthy sense of inner authority. When this inner authority comes into conflict with our authority figures, we must enter an intentional process of discernment.
  • “Sometimes passion needs something to contain it, focus it, and to turn it in a direction that is good, holy, and meaningful. And sometimes that something is our pain.” –Loveable
  • “Sometimes, redeeming our pain is about coming to value it so much, we let it lead us.” –Loveable
  • “Where are our most vibrant passion meets our most visceral pain, we discover a sense of purpose.” –Loveable
  • A sense of purpose arises within us when we face the pain of our story and realize the transformation of it will be the direction of our life.
  • Transient happiness is a hallmark of the good life; enduring joy is a hallmark of the redemptive life.
  • As we practice our passions, we gradually discover the pain they are intended to redeem.
  • Build a life you love rather than living one you tolerate.
  • When we embrace our pain, we release our suffering, which is for the most part simply resistance to our pain.
  • The redemptive life makes us an active participate in redeeming our pain, rather than a passive participant in receiving our pain.
  • You can’t force the redemption of your pain, you can only be faithful to it.

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Week 47: What a Life of Vulnerability Really Looks Like [Loveable 048]

“We are healed when we reveal our mess to another and put our real self on the line. When we connect in our brokenness—not in spite of it—we discover what makes us messy is also what makes us beautiful. And we give everyone around us permission to be broken and beautiful, too…A world torn apart by invincibility can only be healed by vulnerability and weakness.” 

In Episode 48 of The Loveable Podcast, we are focused on the biggest barrier to practicing your passions. It is not lack of clarity about what they are. It is not lack of resources for pursuing them. It is something much more basic, much more common, and much more formidable. It is fear. This week we talk about vulnerability, courage, and what it means to be truly successful in the practicing of your passions…

loveable podcast episode 48

Here are just a few of the takeaways from this week’s episode:

  • Be humble enough to let your life unfold, be attentive enough to learn from it as it does, and be courageous enough to choose a direction, even if there is no guarantee you will head in that direction forever.
  • Our passion at first may take the form of jealousy about someone else who is practicing their passion.
  • If you can’t connect with a passion, that’s okay. Take the time to reconnect with your true self and your worthiness, and eventually your passions will surface.
  • When tragedy strikes, we have two options: get anxious and hold on even tighter to what will eventually end, or accept the impermanence of things and replace anxiety with a healthy urgency about living and loving well.
  • When we quit investing our time and energy in our invulnerability—our protection and pretending and perfecting and performing—we can become the artists we already are.
  • Courage is not a character trait; it’s a direction.
  • Success isn’t trying and winning; success is simply trying, regardless of how afraid you are.
  • Creation isn’t finished. We are co-creators. Our passions are the brush. The world is our easel.
  • The people we belong to love us enough to shelter us from unfair criticism, and enough to give us constructive criticism.
  • When we lack courage to be vulnerable and to practice our passions, we don’t need a group of people to cheerlead us, we only need one person we can trust to en-courage us.

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Week 46: You Aren’t Here to Be More Happy (You Are Here to Be More You) [Loveable 047]

“Life doesn’t have an easy setting. Remembering who you are isn’t an all-or-nothing endeavor. It’s not a pass-fail assignment. The truth is much closer to this: life is like a sieve and everything we do runs through it. If we watch closely, we’ll notice passing through the sieve all those things that aren’t really us. And we’ll notice, captured in the sieve of life, the parts of us that are who we’ve always been.” 

We often confuse our passions and our skills, and this week we unconfuse them. A passion is “something we are extravagantly fond of doing.” That is very different from “something we are extra good at doing.” The former produces meaning in our lives, the latter just…produces. In Episode 47 of The Loveable Podcast, we talk in detail about the difference between passion and skill, how you might get more clarity in differentiating the two, and how that clarity can change your life.

loveable podcast episode 47

Here are just a few of the takeaways from this week’s episode:

  • When you protect the time you have set aside for practicing your passions, you are not being unfaithful to others, you are being faithful to your true self.
  • If we want to be serious about practicing our passions, there will be some good things—people and commitments—which we have to set boundaries on, or let go of altogether.
  • Our skills lead to productivity; our passions lead to peaceful productivity.
  • Our understanding and clarity about our passions never ceases to evolve.
  • Skill doesn’t generate passion; actually, passion is the fuel that bids skill.
  • Don’t let others tell you what you are good at; tell them what you are passionate about.
  • Where skill and passion are both along for the ride, make sure your passion is in the driver’s seat, not your ambition.
  • Passion does not protect you from hardship; but it does give rise to the joy that sustains you through hardship.
  • We fully own our passion when we boldly announce it to our circles of belonging.
  • We don’t become familiar with the many layers of our passions by thinking about them; only by practicing them.
  • Shame will tell you that you have to practice your passion to be worthy; grace will tell you that you get to practice it because you are worthy.

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Week 45: Why the Most Mundane Life Is Sometimes the Most Passionate Life [Loveable 046]

“Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.” –Gustave Flaubert

In Episode 46 of The Loveable Podcast, we are focused on taking the space in your life created by last week’s exercise and doing something a little counterintuitive with it—we are going to build some monotony into it. In other words, we are going to focus on building structure around the practicing of your passions. By the end of this episode, you are going to be more motivated to make a habit of doing the things you love.

loveable podcast episode 46

Here are just a few of the takeaways from this week’s episode:

  • When we quit an activity to free ourselves up to pursue our passions, we are not quitting that activity for a day, nor are we necessarily quitting it forever; we are quitting it for now, for this season in our life.
  • Adventure is made possible by that which is routine.
  • We don’t practice our passion after we overcome all of our fears; we value it enough to practice it in spite of not overcoming all of our fears.
  • The practicing of our passion is built on a foundation of rituals, routines, and rigor that seems very ordinary and unexciting.
  • You can avoid creative blocks by building creative habits.
  • In a busy life, little happens unless it is on the family calendar; put your passion on the family calendar.
  • Make particular time slots in your week sacred, by giving them to your passion.
  • Calendars are like budgets for your time. Where are you spending your valuable time?
  • Practicing your passion always leads to feelings of vulnerability and thus always requires courage; tune in next week for that discussion!

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Week 44: The Beauty of Becoming a Quitter [Loveable 045]

“Sometimes, life gets too cramped to move in any new direction. Sometimes, the direction we need to go is backward. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to undo the best things we’ve done.”

In Episode 45 of The Loveable Podcast, we focus on quitting some of the things we added to our lives before we gained clarity about who we really are. In this way, becoming a quitter can actually make space for the practicing of our passions. By the end of this episode, you will begin to see more clearly a path toward practicing your passions, because you will be planning to clear that path of debris.

loveable podcast episode 45

Here are just a few of the takeaways from this week’s episode:

  • A better definition of a meaningful life: “Any life that, on the whole, reduces the overall collective level of misery on the planet.”
  • Generally, living from our false self adds to the collective level of misery on the planet—it increases loneliness, aggression, and arrogance—whereas living from our soul decreases it, through simple acts of love and acceptance.
  • Quitting things that are not an accurate reflection of your true self is not about impulsively quitting attachments, commitments, and relationships; it is about wisely discerning how you can begin to transform your life over time, while being sensitive to some of the realities you live within.
  • You don’t become who you are; you unbecome who you are not.
  • We wear “being busy” as a status symbol, when, really, it’s probably just a sign that we are living according to a lot of other people’s agendas.
  • We don’t start quitting things because we know exactly where we are going to end up, but simply because we need to move toward being who we actually are.
  • You are never too old to start making time for the practicing of your passions.
  • Wise quitting isn’t about getting rid of stuff that is unpleasant but about eliminating stuff that is unyou.
  • Books mentioned in this week’s episode include Falling Upward by Richard Rohr, Love Does by Bob Goff, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller, Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, The Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine, and The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey.

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